Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
