Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If that was your dad, he is hot
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
