her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
