sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
