I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
