I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
