those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
