im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
