My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
40s are totally the cure
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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