okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So much rum. So many feels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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