I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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