remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
