Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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