I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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