im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
