I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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