She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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