I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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