I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
