i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Panties = found
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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