Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
