I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
