Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
