so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
