Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
