Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
