That's intense
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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