I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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