I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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