Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
