I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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