Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
