apparently the secret to your success is patron
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
