i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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