A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
