Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
