just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
