So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
