With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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