I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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