Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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