New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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