i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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