Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
