I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
