You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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