So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
