In the future we'll all be gay
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm getting married
To pizza
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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