Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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