How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
