Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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