Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
