two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
