I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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