i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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