At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
