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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
