we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
