$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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