We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
