"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
