i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
