she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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