If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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