Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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