currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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