she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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