im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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