my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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