hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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