she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
