Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
