Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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