Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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