During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
whose parrot is this?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
