Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sarcasm needs its own font
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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