Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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