the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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