my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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