I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i'm inner monologue high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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