Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize